here is a brief update: to make a long story short, a TON of decisions have been made, changed and then changed again in the past few months. the Lord has taken me for a ride this year and i fully believe that He has been drawing me nearer every step of the way. sometimes it's not about the end result or what you do for the Lord that He's after. sometimes He just wants your heart. sometimes all it takes is for you to be WILLING and READY to drop everything and follow His call. i have now gone through 3 phases of being willing, ready and on my way only to find that the path has changed yet again.
many of you know that I was accepted to go on the World Race earlier this year. i invested time, prayer and money into this commitment before the Lord graciously nudged my shoulder and turned me in a different direction. i will tell you that one major obstacle for the WR was some of my medication. i was asked to come off of my anti-depressants before embarking on the race. my mind and my heart were ready for this challenge but regardless of what i desired, my body was just simply not ready for that. i tried and found myself in a very low place that i desperately needed to get out of...phase two was a connection i felt to a ministry called the Door of Hope in S.Africa. I have been corresponding with a precious woman in this ministry since the end of July. i shared my heart, my history, my strengths and weaknesses and all of who i am with these people. ultimately they asked me to come live with them for awhile and serve in one of the Baby houses. after much prayer and consideration i again decided that what i desired was not necessarily the best decision for my mental and emotional well being. working with DOH is still an option for the future and i will continue to keep in touch with them.
in God's perfect timing i have been given the opportunity to travel to S.Africa and visit the DOH with a group of FUGE staffers! (God willing) it will be my first time traveling internationally (with several former team members :) ) and i will finally get to put faces with "email" names and personalities. we will travel to Johannesburg the last week of March and i am just thrilled. among a long list of things i have learned this year and ways that i have grown spiritually, the Lord has been so gracious to physically show me His faithfulness through answered prayers and always opening another door.
we simply (but not really simple) have to learn to TRUST. He really is faithful and He really will keep His promises. the Lord has started a good work in you and in me and He WILL finish it. He will get all the glory. that's stuff you can count on guys.
be encouraged! we always, always, ALWAYS have a reason to sing!
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
just today.
sometimes there are days when you just have to rethink everything. plans are never permanent. the Lord tells us to trust so many times in the Bible for a reason. my stubborn heart likes step by step procedures and desired outcomes. my flesh desires consistency and affirmation. i just want to be obedient. blehhhhh....(outburst) i am just so thankful that lately it has been easier to remember how incredibly blessed i am. Jesus says that i am worthwhile and i believe him.
heres to unexpected life lessons, learned in a 5th grade Social Studies Class.
heres to unexpected life lessons, learned in a 5th grade Social Studies Class.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Matthew 20:28
28 For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.
Matthew 20:28
If you keep up with me at all, you probably read my posts a couple of months ago about going on The World Race this coming January. I was committed and had put my deposit down to go before I left to work camp in NOLA this summer. It was a big plan and I was excited. Then I went to camp for what turned out to be one of the most difficult summers of my 22 years. I struggled with my Lord, with my identity and my purpose.
As an organization, FUGE camps partners with international ministries, supporting them financially, through prayer and sometimes going there to serve in small groups. One of these ministries is called "The Door of Hope." You can read about their story and their mission here. The Door of Hope is a beautifully unique orphanage in Johannesburg, South Africa. The abandonment rate of children in this area is staggering and the reality of what happens to these children is heartbreaking and overwhelming. The Door of Hope has provided a way for mothers to safely and anonymously abandon there babies. This way, these precious lives are spared and they have and opportunity at life. Not every child that ends up at one of the 3 baby houses in SA comes through the door. Some of the children arrive through word of mouth as well as other routes that I am sure to learn all about in the coming year.
The Lord burdened my heart for these orphans in a way I haven't experienced before. I don't know what this journey holds for me but honestly, it just doesn't matter what I know or don't know. I feel compelled to go and I am able and willing. He calls us to go, everyday, so in January I am going. I will go to Johannesburg, SA to live in the main baby house. For 4 months I will be a volunteer working in the big baby house with 12 different precious babies who will vary in age from 6months to 12months. I will work 11hour shifts from 7am to 6pm and sometimes all night. It's going to be crazy and awesome and I am thrilled.
Sometimes I am afraid. Africa is a long way away and I know enough to understand that I am going to see and experience some things that most people will never have to. But what I am stepping into is what these people live on a daily basis, it is their reality and Jesus loves them too. He wants good things for them too and so do I.
29 What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin[k]? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. 30 And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows. -Matthew 10:29-31
Matthew 20:28
If you keep up with me at all, you probably read my posts a couple of months ago about going on The World Race this coming January. I was committed and had put my deposit down to go before I left to work camp in NOLA this summer. It was a big plan and I was excited. Then I went to camp for what turned out to be one of the most difficult summers of my 22 years. I struggled with my Lord, with my identity and my purpose.
As an organization, FUGE camps partners with international ministries, supporting them financially, through prayer and sometimes going there to serve in small groups. One of these ministries is called "The Door of Hope." You can read about their story and their mission here. The Door of Hope is a beautifully unique orphanage in Johannesburg, South Africa. The abandonment rate of children in this area is staggering and the reality of what happens to these children is heartbreaking and overwhelming. The Door of Hope has provided a way for mothers to safely and anonymously abandon there babies. This way, these precious lives are spared and they have and opportunity at life. Not every child that ends up at one of the 3 baby houses in SA comes through the door. Some of the children arrive through word of mouth as well as other routes that I am sure to learn all about in the coming year.
The Lord burdened my heart for these orphans in a way I haven't experienced before. I don't know what this journey holds for me but honestly, it just doesn't matter what I know or don't know. I feel compelled to go and I am able and willing. He calls us to go, everyday, so in January I am going. I will go to Johannesburg, SA to live in the main baby house. For 4 months I will be a volunteer working in the big baby house with 12 different precious babies who will vary in age from 6months to 12months. I will work 11hour shifts from 7am to 6pm and sometimes all night. It's going to be crazy and awesome and I am thrilled.
Sometimes I am afraid. Africa is a long way away and I know enough to understand that I am going to see and experience some things that most people will never have to. But what I am stepping into is what these people live on a daily basis, it is their reality and Jesus loves them too. He wants good things for them too and so do I.
29 What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin[k]? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. 30 And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows. -Matthew 10:29-31
Thursday, August 2, 2012
to whom it may concern
Before the summer I posted that I would be going on the World Race starting January 2013. Well, the Lord did a lot in my life this summer and changed my heart in a lot of ways. I have since withdrawn from the Race and committed to another missions opportunity. I will still be leaving the country in January, however, now I will be heading to South Africa to serve in an orphanage called the Door of Hope. Dates and details will follow. To Him be the glory.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
third times the charm
it's the end of my 3rd summer working fuge camps. i can easily say this was the most difficult of the 3 in almost every way. the Lord has pushed and pulled me, drawing me closer and closer to himself. it's been a rollercoaster of a summer and i feel very accomplished coming to the end of it. Jesus has been glorified in my life this summer. i am finally starting to live like His name being glorified is all that matters. i have developed a heart for missions, the orphaned and widowed, this summer. i learned to see past my emotions and present circumstance in order to see Christ's faithfulness. He can do infinitely more than i could ask or even think! i have learned to Rejoice in my tribulation. He is good when there is nothing good in me, He is true even in my wandering, He is more than i could ever say and in HIS presence i am made whole. Hallelujah, Holy Holy, God Almighty the Great I Am! my cup runneth over and i am full of joy because of what Christ has done this summer at fugecamps!
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Eventually Home.
A lot can happen in a year. A year could change the entire course of our life, but so could a single decision. It's easy to see and believe that things are constantly changing...it's a little bit difficult to see and accept that some things aren't.
This summer at camp one day of Bible study highlights the simple truth that it is difficult to remain consistent in our faith when we are submerged in a world that is forever changing. The Bible and the gospel and Christ never change. They are constant, a rock. My heart needs more of that, constant truth. Consistency.
I've said before that this year has been the most difficult in my 22 years of life. And this summer has turned out to be no different. Camp has been different this summer. More challenging spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally. I am breaking down, powerless on my own strength and I have found myself most nights or quiet moments asking the Lord why. Questioning my Savior is not something I frequently do but sometimes you find yourself in a place where all you can do is believe that God is still who He says He is, still good. And then ask Him why this? why still? what now?
Lately I've felt like I am somehow outside of myself watching this mess play out. I haven't felt like myself and I'm starting to believe that it's because I'm not who I used to be anymore. I am changing, growing up and it's really hard to accept.
My Savior means everything to me, He's the only thing that matters but my human heart puts so much weight in things that aren't constant. Less like a rock and more like sand. He has gotten a hold of my desires this summer and I am excited and full of joy for some things that are currently in the making. But in the same way that my heart is changing...there are parts of it, tiny spaces, that won't seem to budge. Ties that are tied in tight knots, entwined and entangled with so many pieces of me.
"there is one body and one Spirit just as you were called to one hope at your calling; one Lord one faith one baptism one God and father of all, who is above all and through all and in all..." Ephesians 4:4-6
you may read this and think how sad or i'm glad i'm not there. but i would go through this a million times before i would ignore what i want, who i am and why i'm here. how dry it must be to never question, search or mourn. what if you wake up one day and realize you've missed out, you've missed it
This summer at camp one day of Bible study highlights the simple truth that it is difficult to remain consistent in our faith when we are submerged in a world that is forever changing. The Bible and the gospel and Christ never change. They are constant, a rock. My heart needs more of that, constant truth. Consistency.
I've said before that this year has been the most difficult in my 22 years of life. And this summer has turned out to be no different. Camp has been different this summer. More challenging spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally. I am breaking down, powerless on my own strength and I have found myself most nights or quiet moments asking the Lord why. Questioning my Savior is not something I frequently do but sometimes you find yourself in a place where all you can do is believe that God is still who He says He is, still good. And then ask Him why this? why still? what now?
Lately I've felt like I am somehow outside of myself watching this mess play out. I haven't felt like myself and I'm starting to believe that it's because I'm not who I used to be anymore. I am changing, growing up and it's really hard to accept.
My Savior means everything to me, He's the only thing that matters but my human heart puts so much weight in things that aren't constant. Less like a rock and more like sand. He has gotten a hold of my desires this summer and I am excited and full of joy for some things that are currently in the making. But in the same way that my heart is changing...there are parts of it, tiny spaces, that won't seem to budge. Ties that are tied in tight knots, entwined and entangled with so many pieces of me.
"there is one body and one Spirit just as you were called to one hope at your calling; one Lord one faith one baptism one God and father of all, who is above all and through all and in all..." Ephesians 4:4-6
you may read this and think how sad or i'm glad i'm not there. but i would go through this a million times before i would ignore what i want, who i am and why i'm here. how dry it must be to never question, search or mourn. what if you wake up one day and realize you've missed out, you've missed it
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Luke 10 faith.
i anticipate this blog resembling word vomit...
just a few crazy life changing things have happened this month, i'll try to hit on all of them but more details will be coming...
well friends, i graduated college. i finished my last semester and snagged an overall gpa that allowed me to graduate Cum Laude from good 'ole AU. honestly, i was pretty shocked at how difficult it has been to leave that part of my life behind. this year was just so fantastic. i simply did not want it to end, but it did and here i am.
i have made it pretty apparent since some time in January that i did not know what i wanted to do next. for some time, graduating, getting a teaching job, getting married and settling down was what i wanted...that all sounds fairly humorous to me now.
if the Lord wills it this is what the next year and a half look like for me:
in t-minus 6 days i will journey down to New Orleans, Louisiana to spend my summer loving on some teens and a pretty awesome city. i will be there until the end of July.
when i head back from camp my life is going to be pretty chaotic for a few months...i will be a full time substitute teacher, which could look like a different class everyday or (and hopefully) a long term sub job. i will also be loving on my brand new baby niece, Evelyn and of course my not so new niece LC, spending time with family and preparing myself for whats next. amongst all of that i will be fundraising for 2013.
in January 2013 i will be leaving for a little adventure called the World Race. :) you can find out some information for yourself here. starting in January i will travel to 11 different countries in 11 months spreading the love of Christ and advancing the Kingdom! i am incredibly excited and a variety of other emotions.
GUYS! I am GOING!!! January 2013 #PTL
So I Go
just a few crazy life changing things have happened this month, i'll try to hit on all of them but more details will be coming...
well friends, i graduated college. i finished my last semester and snagged an overall gpa that allowed me to graduate Cum Laude from good 'ole AU. honestly, i was pretty shocked at how difficult it has been to leave that part of my life behind. this year was just so fantastic. i simply did not want it to end, but it did and here i am.
i have made it pretty apparent since some time in January that i did not know what i wanted to do next. for some time, graduating, getting a teaching job, getting married and settling down was what i wanted...that all sounds fairly humorous to me now.
if the Lord wills it this is what the next year and a half look like for me:
in t-minus 6 days i will journey down to New Orleans, Louisiana to spend my summer loving on some teens and a pretty awesome city. i will be there until the end of July.
when i head back from camp my life is going to be pretty chaotic for a few months...i will be a full time substitute teacher, which could look like a different class everyday or (and hopefully) a long term sub job. i will also be loving on my brand new baby niece, Evelyn and of course my not so new niece LC, spending time with family and preparing myself for whats next. amongst all of that i will be fundraising for 2013.
in January 2013 i will be leaving for a little adventure called the World Race. :) you can find out some information for yourself here. starting in January i will travel to 11 different countries in 11 months spreading the love of Christ and advancing the Kingdom! i am incredibly excited and a variety of other emotions.
GUYS! I am GOING!!! January 2013 #PTL
So I Go
Monday, April 23, 2012
copy & paste
just read this on my fantastic PP's blog, you can find it here http://madisonwill.blogspot.com/. She's brilliant and beautiful and i had a fantastic weekend with her that i will probably elaborate on more later...until then, just meditate on this. it's exactly what i've been whispering to myself all day...
I’m not perfect-but I am gifted enough.
I’m not a genius-but I am smart enough.
I’m not a rock star-but I am talented enough.
I’m not fluent-but I speak well enough.
I’m not a theologan-but I know enough.
To do whatever He asks of me.
To answer His call.
To go.
-Madison Willoughby
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Breakthroughs and Big Changes
Breakthroughs
the first time your heart breaks, I mean really breaks, you can't possibly imagine ever getting over it. but, life does actually go on, the Lord is a Mighty Healer who will "bind up our wounds." it's glorious and freeing and it leads to change. JESUS has done great things in my life this year. He has made me bold, in so many ways He brought me back to myself. He has made me new. i cannot begin to put into words the struggle that i have been through this year. it has, for the most part, been an inner struggle with my selfish pride. i've sought council, repented, wept and continue to search for understanding. but, i have a peace and a resting place that can only come from faith and dependence on the Lord. i've read a lot of books lately including Kisses from Katie and Blue Like Jazz that are wonderful blunt and honest descriptions of what selflessness looks like and the painful journey we have to take to get there. JESUS is so big and so good.Big Changes
Whoa. well, turns out i'm graduating in 18 days. my life will never again look like it does right now. i am graduating without a definite plan and it is terrifying and the most exciting thing ever. the Lord knew what He was doing when He broke the chains of some weight that was holding me back from being completely available to Him. i am fully surrendered for the first time in my entire life at the throne of Jesus. if He provides a way for me to go live and serve in Nashville for a year, then i'm going to Nashville. if He calls me to serve in Europe, Central Asia or Africa then i'm buying a plane ticket. if He gives me the boldness and resources to journey on the WorldRace next year....then i guess i am going. i don't know many details, but i do know that i am in a unique situation to be able to pack up and go. i know that He is calling me away from where i am(where i'm comfortable) and i know He is going with me. that's the thing i am finally learning about Jesus...He doesn't have to tell me what's coming next and He doesn't have to show me why things happen, because He is going with me. i may not be able to handle it on my own, but that's okay because i'm not on my own. i'm not alone.
"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” He said, “Go and tell..." Isaiah 6
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
it's more like a pause and soon a start.
"i tried convincing God to change you
we had it out, and he said, "No"
said a choice is a choice, and He says you made it
he'll help you along, but God why is nothing free?
You filled me up with hope, God, I used it
i used it all on you, can't you see?"
-all get out
sometimes, days are just music.
we had it out, and he said, "No"
said a choice is a choice, and He says you made it
he'll help you along, but God why is nothing free?
You filled me up with hope, God, I used it
i used it all on you, can't you see?"
-all get out
sometimes, days are just music.
Friday, March 9, 2012
(huge sigh) and a few tears
well friends, it's freakin March. just to put some things into perspective for you that's 1 month, 3 weeks and 5 days until i graduate from college (crap). that's also, 2 months, 3 weeks and 1 day until i pack up and head to New Orleans for the summer. life is moving FAST. it's often too much to handle. the pressure of making a decision about the next year is starting to get the best of me...i mean, where the heck am i going to be?? i don't even know where i'm going to be living in August much less what i'm going to be doing(assuming i even have a job). besides all that, this is what's up.
i'm struggling. i mean big time. #struggs (as my PP Madison would state it). most days i feel completely out of place and alone. the thing is, i am having an AMAZING semester. whipping middle schoolers into shape everyday is hilarious and exhausting and such an great learning experience. i LOVE my housies (Kait, Ally and Em). Basketball season has been a blast (cheering) for the SAC Champions and workin' on my fitness. i have made some pretty amazing friends even as a senior. Jesus has blessed me immensely. so why do i feel like this? why is a good question that sometimes the Lord doesn't answer directly. He is teaching me so much right now about life, love, service, relationships, responsibility and my purpose. sometimes i look in the mirror and i wonder who that girl is, because she looks a lot different than a year ago.
here's how i like to look at it. Jesus loves for us to depend on him completely. He loves it when we are fully focused on Him...now think about those two things...when do they often happen? for me, it's right now, when i couldn't tell you what my address will be in 6 months. when most of the people that i adore spending time with right now are younger than me and have no clue what i'm going through. when my heart desires to be connected to another. when i'm afraid and vulnerable. so i guess thats why. He isn't punishing me or forsaking me, He is drawing me near. and even though i want to fall apart most days, i love Him for it.
i'm struggling. i mean big time. #struggs (as my PP Madison would state it). most days i feel completely out of place and alone. the thing is, i am having an AMAZING semester. whipping middle schoolers into shape everyday is hilarious and exhausting and such an great learning experience. i LOVE my housies (Kait, Ally and Em). Basketball season has been a blast (cheering) for the SAC Champions and workin' on my fitness. i have made some pretty amazing friends even as a senior. Jesus has blessed me immensely. so why do i feel like this? why is a good question that sometimes the Lord doesn't answer directly. He is teaching me so much right now about life, love, service, relationships, responsibility and my purpose. sometimes i look in the mirror and i wonder who that girl is, because she looks a lot different than a year ago.
here's how i like to look at it. Jesus loves for us to depend on him completely. He loves it when we are fully focused on Him...now think about those two things...when do they often happen? for me, it's right now, when i couldn't tell you what my address will be in 6 months. when most of the people that i adore spending time with right now are younger than me and have no clue what i'm going through. when my heart desires to be connected to another. when i'm afraid and vulnerable. so i guess thats why. He isn't punishing me or forsaking me, He is drawing me near. and even though i want to fall apart most days, i love Him for it.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
it's February.
this is my first post. i've started this blog because i enjoy blogging, reading and writing. i recently deleted a blog i started my sophmore year in college. It's got a lot of depressing thoughts, insecurities and bad memories recorded on it, so, i just got rid of it. this is your first and only warning that i do not like capital letters, nor do i always type in complete sentences. so, if that bothers you...you were warned. i don't really have a purpose for this post, i just wanted to get this thing up and running. however, it's February 15th, which means yesterday was Valentine's day. i am single so you are probably expecting me to rant and pout about such things, but i'm not going to do that. yesterday was great. it was full with middle school dancing, Chick-fil-a, the Vow and a group of my favorites at da Biltmore. :)
Jesus does remarkable things when you let go of your own ideas and comfortable places. He is revealing Himself to me in big ways these days. i can't wait to tell you all about them...
Jesus does remarkable things when you let go of your own ideas and comfortable places. He is revealing Himself to me in big ways these days. i can't wait to tell you all about them...
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