"i tried convincing God to change you
we had it out, and he said, "No"
said a choice is a choice, and He says you made it
he'll help you along, but God why is nothing free?
You filled me up with hope, God, I used it
i used it all on you, can't you see?"
-all get out
sometimes, days are just music.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
(huge sigh) and a few tears
well friends, it's freakin March. just to put some things into perspective for you that's 1 month, 3 weeks and 5 days until i graduate from college (crap). that's also, 2 months, 3 weeks and 1 day until i pack up and head to New Orleans for the summer. life is moving FAST. it's often too much to handle. the pressure of making a decision about the next year is starting to get the best of me...i mean, where the heck am i going to be?? i don't even know where i'm going to be living in August much less what i'm going to be doing(assuming i even have a job). besides all that, this is what's up.
i'm struggling. i mean big time. #struggs (as my PP Madison would state it). most days i feel completely out of place and alone. the thing is, i am having an AMAZING semester. whipping middle schoolers into shape everyday is hilarious and exhausting and such an great learning experience. i LOVE my housies (Kait, Ally and Em). Basketball season has been a blast (cheering) for the SAC Champions and workin' on my fitness. i have made some pretty amazing friends even as a senior. Jesus has blessed me immensely. so why do i feel like this? why is a good question that sometimes the Lord doesn't answer directly. He is teaching me so much right now about life, love, service, relationships, responsibility and my purpose. sometimes i look in the mirror and i wonder who that girl is, because she looks a lot different than a year ago.
here's how i like to look at it. Jesus loves for us to depend on him completely. He loves it when we are fully focused on Him...now think about those two things...when do they often happen? for me, it's right now, when i couldn't tell you what my address will be in 6 months. when most of the people that i adore spending time with right now are younger than me and have no clue what i'm going through. when my heart desires to be connected to another. when i'm afraid and vulnerable. so i guess thats why. He isn't punishing me or forsaking me, He is drawing me near. and even though i want to fall apart most days, i love Him for it.
i'm struggling. i mean big time. #struggs (as my PP Madison would state it). most days i feel completely out of place and alone. the thing is, i am having an AMAZING semester. whipping middle schoolers into shape everyday is hilarious and exhausting and such an great learning experience. i LOVE my housies (Kait, Ally and Em). Basketball season has been a blast (cheering) for the SAC Champions and workin' on my fitness. i have made some pretty amazing friends even as a senior. Jesus has blessed me immensely. so why do i feel like this? why is a good question that sometimes the Lord doesn't answer directly. He is teaching me so much right now about life, love, service, relationships, responsibility and my purpose. sometimes i look in the mirror and i wonder who that girl is, because she looks a lot different than a year ago.
here's how i like to look at it. Jesus loves for us to depend on him completely. He loves it when we are fully focused on Him...now think about those two things...when do they often happen? for me, it's right now, when i couldn't tell you what my address will be in 6 months. when most of the people that i adore spending time with right now are younger than me and have no clue what i'm going through. when my heart desires to be connected to another. when i'm afraid and vulnerable. so i guess thats why. He isn't punishing me or forsaking me, He is drawing me near. and even though i want to fall apart most days, i love Him for it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)