third times the charm

it's the end of my 3rd summer working fuge camps. i can easily say this was the most difficult of the 3 in almost every way. the Lord has pushed and pulled me, drawing me closer and closer to himself. it's been a rollercoaster of a summer and i feel very accomplished coming to the end of it. Jesus has been glorified in my life this summer. i am finally starting to live like His name being glorified is all that matters. i have developed a heart for missions, the orphaned and widowed, this summer. i learned to see past my emotions and present circumstance in order to see Christ's faithfulness. He can do infinitely more than i could ask or even think! i have learned to Rejoice in my tribulation. He is good when there is nothing good in me, He is true even in my wandering, He is more than i could ever say and in HIS presence i am made whole. Hallelujah, Holy Holy, God Almighty the Great I Am! my cup runneth over and i am full of joy because of what Christ has done this summer at fugecamps!

Eventually Home.

A lot can happen in a year. A year could change the entire course of our life, but so could a single decision. It's easy to see and believe that things are constantly changing...it's a little bit difficult to see and accept that some things aren't.

This summer at camp one day of Bible study highlights the simple truth that it is difficult to remain consistent in our faith when we are submerged in a world that is forever changing. The Bible and the gospel and Christ never change. They are constant, a rock. My heart needs more of that, constant truth. Consistency.

I've said before that this year has been the most difficult in my 22 years of life. And this summer has turned out to be no different. Camp has been different this summer. More challenging spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally. I am breaking down, powerless on my own strength and I have found myself most nights or quiet moments asking the Lord why. Questioning my Savior is not something I frequently do but sometimes you find yourself in a place where all you can do is believe that God is still who He says He is, still good. And then ask Him why this? why still? what now?

Lately I've felt like I am somehow outside of myself watching this mess play out. I haven't felt like myself and I'm starting to believe that it's because I'm not who I used to be anymore. I am changing, growing up and it's really hard to accept.

My Savior means everything to me, He's the only thing that matters but my human heart puts so much weight in things that aren't constant. Less like a rock and more like sand. He has gotten a hold of my desires this summer and I am excited and full of joy for some things that are currently in the making. But in the same way that my heart is changing...there are parts of it, tiny spaces, that won't seem to budge. Ties that are tied in tight knots, entwined and entangled with so many pieces of me.

"there is one body and one Spirit just as you were called to one hope at your calling; one Lord one faith one baptism one God and father of all, who is above all and through all and in all..." Ephesians 4:4-6

you may read this and think how sad or i'm glad i'm not there. but i would go through this a million times before i would ignore what i want, who i am and why i'm here. how dry it must be to never question, search or mourn. what if you wake up one day and realize you've missed out, you've missed it