Breakthroughs
the first time your heart breaks, I mean really breaks, you can't possibly imagine ever getting over it. but, life does actually go on, the Lord is a Mighty Healer who will "bind up our wounds." it's glorious and freeing and it leads to change. JESUS has done great things in my life this year. He has made me bold, in so many ways He brought me back to myself. He has made me new. i cannot begin to put into words the struggle that i have been through this year. it has, for the most part, been an inner struggle with my selfish pride. i've sought council, repented, wept and continue to search for understanding. but, i have a peace and a resting place that can only come from faith and dependence on the Lord. i've read a lot of books lately including Kisses from Katie and Blue Like Jazz that are wonderful blunt and honest descriptions of what selflessness looks like and the painful journey we have to take to get there. JESUS is so big and so good.
Big Changes
Whoa. well, turns out i'm graduating in 18 days. my life will never again look like it does right now. i am graduating without a definite plan and it is terrifying and the most exciting thing ever. the Lord knew what He was doing when He broke the chains of some weight that was holding me back from being completely available to Him. i am fully surrendered for the first time in my entire life at the throne of Jesus. if He provides a way for me to go live and serve in Nashville for a year, then i'm going to Nashville. if He calls me to serve in Europe, Central Asia or Africa then i'm buying a plane ticket. if He gives me the boldness and resources to journey on the WorldRace next year....then i guess i am going. i don't know many details, but i do know that i am in a unique situation to be able to pack up and go. i know that He is calling me away from where i am(where i'm comfortable) and i know He is going with me. that's the thing i am finally learning about Jesus...He doesn't have to tell me what's coming next and He doesn't have to show me why things happen, because He is going with me. i may not be able to handle it on my own, but that's okay because i'm not on my own. i'm not alone.
"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” He said, “Go and tell..." Isaiah 6
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5
