i haven't updated this blog since the end of my birth month. October 2012 was perfect in so many ways, definitely a blessing from my provisional Savior. when i look back on this year, i can hardly believe that all of it fit into one consecutive calendar year. 2012 was full of happy highs and some of the lowest lows i've ever experienced. i learned how to make grown up decisions when all i wanted to do was be brave and spontaneous. i found that sometimes lessons are learned through the process instead of the outcome and that all of it, every choice made, email sent and dollar spent has a purpose.
2012:
-i was a college basketball cheerleader...
-i lived in an awesome old house with 6 other women
-i chaperoned my first middle school dance
-hosted my first bridal shower (but certainly not my last)
-i met Matt Thiesen
-i made a commitment to International Missions
-i graduated college with honors and without debt
-i got my first tattoo
-i drove to the Gulf Coast and lived there for 2 months
-worked my 3rd summer for FugeCamps
-became an Aunt (for the second time)
-moved back in with my parents
-became a kick ass substitute teacher
-got my SC teaching certificate in the mail
-got a passport
-i voted in my second Presidential Election
-became a vegetarian (expect for Chick-fil-a and bacon)
-i lost 22 pounds
-started wearing reading glasses
- and i turned 23
this year my Jesus continually reminded me that He hasn't given up on me yet and He never will. i learned that you can live with a broken heart and still manage to love others. i experienced depression and desperation. 2012 was a fight. i am thankful for it but am thrilled for this new year and everything it already holds. change is good and hard.
"but God demonstrates His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Thursday, October 25, 2012
always a reason to sing.
here is a brief update: to make a long story short, a TON of decisions have been made, changed and then changed again in the past few months. the Lord has taken me for a ride this year and i fully believe that He has been drawing me nearer every step of the way. sometimes it's not about the end result or what you do for the Lord that He's after. sometimes He just wants your heart. sometimes all it takes is for you to be WILLING and READY to drop everything and follow His call. i have now gone through 3 phases of being willing, ready and on my way only to find that the path has changed yet again.
many of you know that I was accepted to go on the World Race earlier this year. i invested time, prayer and money into this commitment before the Lord graciously nudged my shoulder and turned me in a different direction. i will tell you that one major obstacle for the WR was some of my medication. i was asked to come off of my anti-depressants before embarking on the race. my mind and my heart were ready for this challenge but regardless of what i desired, my body was just simply not ready for that. i tried and found myself in a very low place that i desperately needed to get out of...phase two was a connection i felt to a ministry called the Door of Hope in S.Africa. I have been corresponding with a precious woman in this ministry since the end of July. i shared my heart, my history, my strengths and weaknesses and all of who i am with these people. ultimately they asked me to come live with them for awhile and serve in one of the Baby houses. after much prayer and consideration i again decided that what i desired was not necessarily the best decision for my mental and emotional well being. working with DOH is still an option for the future and i will continue to keep in touch with them.
in God's perfect timing i have been given the opportunity to travel to S.Africa and visit the DOH with a group of FUGE staffers! (God willing) it will be my first time traveling internationally (with several former team members :) ) and i will finally get to put faces with "email" names and personalities. we will travel to Johannesburg the last week of March and i am just thrilled. among a long list of things i have learned this year and ways that i have grown spiritually, the Lord has been so gracious to physically show me His faithfulness through answered prayers and always opening another door.
we simply (but not really simple) have to learn to TRUST. He really is faithful and He really will keep His promises. the Lord has started a good work in you and in me and He WILL finish it. He will get all the glory. that's stuff you can count on guys.
be encouraged! we always, always, ALWAYS have a reason to sing!
many of you know that I was accepted to go on the World Race earlier this year. i invested time, prayer and money into this commitment before the Lord graciously nudged my shoulder and turned me in a different direction. i will tell you that one major obstacle for the WR was some of my medication. i was asked to come off of my anti-depressants before embarking on the race. my mind and my heart were ready for this challenge but regardless of what i desired, my body was just simply not ready for that. i tried and found myself in a very low place that i desperately needed to get out of...phase two was a connection i felt to a ministry called the Door of Hope in S.Africa. I have been corresponding with a precious woman in this ministry since the end of July. i shared my heart, my history, my strengths and weaknesses and all of who i am with these people. ultimately they asked me to come live with them for awhile and serve in one of the Baby houses. after much prayer and consideration i again decided that what i desired was not necessarily the best decision for my mental and emotional well being. working with DOH is still an option for the future and i will continue to keep in touch with them.
in God's perfect timing i have been given the opportunity to travel to S.Africa and visit the DOH with a group of FUGE staffers! (God willing) it will be my first time traveling internationally (with several former team members :) ) and i will finally get to put faces with "email" names and personalities. we will travel to Johannesburg the last week of March and i am just thrilled. among a long list of things i have learned this year and ways that i have grown spiritually, the Lord has been so gracious to physically show me His faithfulness through answered prayers and always opening another door.
we simply (but not really simple) have to learn to TRUST. He really is faithful and He really will keep His promises. the Lord has started a good work in you and in me and He WILL finish it. He will get all the glory. that's stuff you can count on guys.
be encouraged! we always, always, ALWAYS have a reason to sing!
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
just today.
sometimes there are days when you just have to rethink everything. plans are never permanent. the Lord tells us to trust so many times in the Bible for a reason. my stubborn heart likes step by step procedures and desired outcomes. my flesh desires consistency and affirmation. i just want to be obedient. blehhhhh....(outburst) i am just so thankful that lately it has been easier to remember how incredibly blessed i am. Jesus says that i am worthwhile and i believe him.
heres to unexpected life lessons, learned in a 5th grade Social Studies Class.
heres to unexpected life lessons, learned in a 5th grade Social Studies Class.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Matthew 20:28
28 For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.
Matthew 20:28
If you keep up with me at all, you probably read my posts a couple of months ago about going on The World Race this coming January. I was committed and had put my deposit down to go before I left to work camp in NOLA this summer. It was a big plan and I was excited. Then I went to camp for what turned out to be one of the most difficult summers of my 22 years. I struggled with my Lord, with my identity and my purpose.
As an organization, FUGE camps partners with international ministries, supporting them financially, through prayer and sometimes going there to serve in small groups. One of these ministries is called "The Door of Hope." You can read about their story and their mission here. The Door of Hope is a beautifully unique orphanage in Johannesburg, South Africa. The abandonment rate of children in this area is staggering and the reality of what happens to these children is heartbreaking and overwhelming. The Door of Hope has provided a way for mothers to safely and anonymously abandon there babies. This way, these precious lives are spared and they have and opportunity at life. Not every child that ends up at one of the 3 baby houses in SA comes through the door. Some of the children arrive through word of mouth as well as other routes that I am sure to learn all about in the coming year.
The Lord burdened my heart for these orphans in a way I haven't experienced before. I don't know what this journey holds for me but honestly, it just doesn't matter what I know or don't know. I feel compelled to go and I am able and willing. He calls us to go, everyday, so in January I am going. I will go to Johannesburg, SA to live in the main baby house. For 4 months I will be a volunteer working in the big baby house with 12 different precious babies who will vary in age from 6months to 12months. I will work 11hour shifts from 7am to 6pm and sometimes all night. It's going to be crazy and awesome and I am thrilled.
Sometimes I am afraid. Africa is a long way away and I know enough to understand that I am going to see and experience some things that most people will never have to. But what I am stepping into is what these people live on a daily basis, it is their reality and Jesus loves them too. He wants good things for them too and so do I.
29 What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin[k]? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. 30 And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows. -Matthew 10:29-31
Matthew 20:28
If you keep up with me at all, you probably read my posts a couple of months ago about going on The World Race this coming January. I was committed and had put my deposit down to go before I left to work camp in NOLA this summer. It was a big plan and I was excited. Then I went to camp for what turned out to be one of the most difficult summers of my 22 years. I struggled with my Lord, with my identity and my purpose.
As an organization, FUGE camps partners with international ministries, supporting them financially, through prayer and sometimes going there to serve in small groups. One of these ministries is called "The Door of Hope." You can read about their story and their mission here. The Door of Hope is a beautifully unique orphanage in Johannesburg, South Africa. The abandonment rate of children in this area is staggering and the reality of what happens to these children is heartbreaking and overwhelming. The Door of Hope has provided a way for mothers to safely and anonymously abandon there babies. This way, these precious lives are spared and they have and opportunity at life. Not every child that ends up at one of the 3 baby houses in SA comes through the door. Some of the children arrive through word of mouth as well as other routes that I am sure to learn all about in the coming year.
The Lord burdened my heart for these orphans in a way I haven't experienced before. I don't know what this journey holds for me but honestly, it just doesn't matter what I know or don't know. I feel compelled to go and I am able and willing. He calls us to go, everyday, so in January I am going. I will go to Johannesburg, SA to live in the main baby house. For 4 months I will be a volunteer working in the big baby house with 12 different precious babies who will vary in age from 6months to 12months. I will work 11hour shifts from 7am to 6pm and sometimes all night. It's going to be crazy and awesome and I am thrilled.
Sometimes I am afraid. Africa is a long way away and I know enough to understand that I am going to see and experience some things that most people will never have to. But what I am stepping into is what these people live on a daily basis, it is their reality and Jesus loves them too. He wants good things for them too and so do I.
29 What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin[k]? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. 30 And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows. -Matthew 10:29-31
Thursday, August 2, 2012
to whom it may concern
Before the summer I posted that I would be going on the World Race starting January 2013. Well, the Lord did a lot in my life this summer and changed my heart in a lot of ways. I have since withdrawn from the Race and committed to another missions opportunity. I will still be leaving the country in January, however, now I will be heading to South Africa to serve in an orphanage called the Door of Hope. Dates and details will follow. To Him be the glory.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
third times the charm
it's the end of my 3rd summer working fuge camps. i can easily say this was the most difficult of the 3 in almost every way. the Lord has pushed and pulled me, drawing me closer and closer to himself. it's been a rollercoaster of a summer and i feel very accomplished coming to the end of it. Jesus has been glorified in my life this summer. i am finally starting to live like His name being glorified is all that matters. i have developed a heart for missions, the orphaned and widowed, this summer. i learned to see past my emotions and present circumstance in order to see Christ's faithfulness. He can do infinitely more than i could ask or even think! i have learned to Rejoice in my tribulation. He is good when there is nothing good in me, He is true even in my wandering, He is more than i could ever say and in HIS presence i am made whole. Hallelujah, Holy Holy, God Almighty the Great I Am! my cup runneth over and i am full of joy because of what Christ has done this summer at fugecamps!
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Eventually Home.
A lot can happen in a year. A year could change the entire course of our life, but so could a single decision. It's easy to see and believe that things are constantly changing...it's a little bit difficult to see and accept that some things aren't.
This summer at camp one day of Bible study highlights the simple truth that it is difficult to remain consistent in our faith when we are submerged in a world that is forever changing. The Bible and the gospel and Christ never change. They are constant, a rock. My heart needs more of that, constant truth. Consistency.
I've said before that this year has been the most difficult in my 22 years of life. And this summer has turned out to be no different. Camp has been different this summer. More challenging spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally. I am breaking down, powerless on my own strength and I have found myself most nights or quiet moments asking the Lord why. Questioning my Savior is not something I frequently do but sometimes you find yourself in a place where all you can do is believe that God is still who He says He is, still good. And then ask Him why this? why still? what now?
Lately I've felt like I am somehow outside of myself watching this mess play out. I haven't felt like myself and I'm starting to believe that it's because I'm not who I used to be anymore. I am changing, growing up and it's really hard to accept.
My Savior means everything to me, He's the only thing that matters but my human heart puts so much weight in things that aren't constant. Less like a rock and more like sand. He has gotten a hold of my desires this summer and I am excited and full of joy for some things that are currently in the making. But in the same way that my heart is changing...there are parts of it, tiny spaces, that won't seem to budge. Ties that are tied in tight knots, entwined and entangled with so many pieces of me.
"there is one body and one Spirit just as you were called to one hope at your calling; one Lord one faith one baptism one God and father of all, who is above all and through all and in all..." Ephesians 4:4-6
you may read this and think how sad or i'm glad i'm not there. but i would go through this a million times before i would ignore what i want, who i am and why i'm here. how dry it must be to never question, search or mourn. what if you wake up one day and realize you've missed out, you've missed it
This summer at camp one day of Bible study highlights the simple truth that it is difficult to remain consistent in our faith when we are submerged in a world that is forever changing. The Bible and the gospel and Christ never change. They are constant, a rock. My heart needs more of that, constant truth. Consistency.
I've said before that this year has been the most difficult in my 22 years of life. And this summer has turned out to be no different. Camp has been different this summer. More challenging spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally. I am breaking down, powerless on my own strength and I have found myself most nights or quiet moments asking the Lord why. Questioning my Savior is not something I frequently do but sometimes you find yourself in a place where all you can do is believe that God is still who He says He is, still good. And then ask Him why this? why still? what now?
Lately I've felt like I am somehow outside of myself watching this mess play out. I haven't felt like myself and I'm starting to believe that it's because I'm not who I used to be anymore. I am changing, growing up and it's really hard to accept.
My Savior means everything to me, He's the only thing that matters but my human heart puts so much weight in things that aren't constant. Less like a rock and more like sand. He has gotten a hold of my desires this summer and I am excited and full of joy for some things that are currently in the making. But in the same way that my heart is changing...there are parts of it, tiny spaces, that won't seem to budge. Ties that are tied in tight knots, entwined and entangled with so many pieces of me.
"there is one body and one Spirit just as you were called to one hope at your calling; one Lord one faith one baptism one God and father of all, who is above all and through all and in all..." Ephesians 4:4-6
you may read this and think how sad or i'm glad i'm not there. but i would go through this a million times before i would ignore what i want, who i am and why i'm here. how dry it must be to never question, search or mourn. what if you wake up one day and realize you've missed out, you've missed it
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